I'm a music/band geek from a family of music/band geeks, so this was bound to happen eventually. I'm a soprano who used to play trumpet, so I'm insulting myself too. Oh, and if you get these, you deserve a cookie.
How do you get two piccolo's to play in tune?
-Shoot one of them.
Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
-A bassoon burns longer.
What is a burning oboe good for?
-Setting a bassoon on fire.
What is perfect pitch?
-When you get the clarinet into the toilet bowl in one throw.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
-Gifted. (My sister plays bass clarinet, so this one has special meaning for me;))
What is the difference between a trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
-I don't know either.
The trumpet player's handshake: Hi, I'm better than you.
Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
-He's too sensitive.
What's the difference between a french horn and a '57 Chevy?
-You can tune a '57 Chevy.
What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
-The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
What's the range of a tuba?
-Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
Two tuba players walk past a bar...
well it
could happen.
How can you tell if the stage is level?
-The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
-The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.
What's the definition of an alto?
-A soprano who can sight-read.
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two; one to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"
How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?
-Shine a flashlight in her ear.
How many basses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.
What's the definition of a male quartet?
-Three men and a tenor.
What's a bassoon good for?
-Kindling for an accordian fire.
What's the difference between a soprano and piranha?
-The lipstick.
