Relationships

[flip]

So I, like many men before am like deathly afraid of saying anything to the girl I like, let alone asking them out. It's not that I'm afraid they'll say "no" (even though that is there too), I'm afraid of them saying "yes"! The problem is...I'm pretty much the weirdest, but most boring person on the planet. So, I get through the run of the mill subjects to talk about (weather, books, movies, music, etc.), and then I got nothin'. And on top of it all, I was also really sheltered as a kid, so I really don't know what activities we could do, let alone how to set them up. And even on top of that, if I did coordinate something with a group of people, I can count on 90-99% of them not showing up and not wanting to go at all.

Tell me...what do I do? Or...what do you all do?

[Hinata]

1. always have a back up plan for when the group falls through

2. try simple activities. . .Us girls aren't complicated. We don't think that every date should be gradious (at least, I don't) we like to do things you like to do. . .Especially since you'll be asking girls similar to you. So think what is a fun thing I like to do? . . . example, I like to go to the park! Let's get a group date together and go the park. Okay, so now back up plan is I love putt-putt (mini golf. . .whatever you people call it these days!) so if the group thing falls through we'll go mini golfing together.

3. relax and be yourself. Perhaps you could ask some thought provoking questions that will stimulate conversation between you and the chick. To me, I HATE it when the guy doesn't talk because I don't know what to bring up. Ask about her family, how she grew up, what her goals are and don't just make it about you but offer your own insight as well. Tell her about you--hobbies, interests, likes/dislikes, pet peeves, interesting fact you learned today.

4. Remember that dating is about one thing (behind all those curtains that we see today). . .and that's to get to know the other person. Don't try to think of life time commitment at one single date (maybe after the fifteenth hundred you can, but the first one is just to know her) and go in with that in mind, "I want to know this girl" Don't act like you want to score or that you're marriage hungry (Yes, guys can be. . .I've met them), just be interested in her and getting to know her.

Above and beyond all of this is--We're not stupid. We see through pretenses. We see when you're not interested. We see and observe everything (call it woman intuition or human nature or whatever) we see it and we know. Be interested in the girl or don't ask her out. Don't try to ask a girl out that has absolutely nothing in common with you because you never will. Changing the way you act and the way you think about things will never happen, finding someone who clicks with you and who finds you interesting without an act that will happen.

At least, that's what I know. I'm still "single" (okay, so I'm in a semi-serious relationship at the moment) but single in the sense I'm not married. I've gotten a lot of advice through the years, and that's what I've been told. I've done a lot of dating and I've seen what I respond to. I grew up in the Utah bubble. . .trust me, you ain't seen sheltered til you see that place. I know where you're coming from but just be cool about it.

[flip]

Oh yeah, I know sheltered. I had the opportunity to be in the Minnesota bubble. My mom was just a little over-protective (okay, maybe a lot). It took till I was 16 until she let ride my bike into town! I consequently got my drivers license two months later. Oh-well enough complaining about how bad it was and start to change the now.

I think my biggest downfall is my confidence. I'm really good at standing there, not knowing what to talk about and stuttering. I'm not looking to "score" at all, and though marriage is good, I'm not ready for it. I'm just really confused, mostly about my own feelings and my own wants and needs.

I know I need these in order before I do anything stupid.

[Hinata]

Love yourself. That's the best thing you can do. Stop telling yourself that you're not a "score" or that you're not worth it. . .

I have to do the same thing. It causes too many problems if you tell yourself all that crap. You're worth it. You are a divine individual . .. your own wants and feelings and needs will work themselves out but loving yourself will never be worked out on it's own

[flip]

No, I didn't really mean it like that. I meant I don't want TO "score". Whether or not I'm A "score" is a totally different debate.

I'm just amazingly nervous, and then the stuttering comes, then yeah. It's not pretty.

Anyway, you are right. A person must love him/herself before s/he can love another in that sort of way.

[Hinata]

you know, the guy I'm dating right now has a stutter. . .I think it's a result from being hit by a fire and rescue truck . . . there are some days where I get a little. . .I don't know, impatient . . . close enough. . .with the stutter. But most of the time, I enjoy it because I know he's being selective on his word choice. . .something I NEVER am.

[flip]

I usually only stutter when I am nervous. But other times, I say way too much. Gosh, you know...I'm just one big contradiction! Just kidding. But seriously, girls are scary. I sometimes don't think girls know how scary they are.

[hamameliss]

I don't know if this will help or not, but realize that the girl may be just as terrified as you are, for many of the same reasons. She's going to be just as nervous in most cases. So, maybe focus on trying to put her at ease rather than trying not to panic yourself.