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Post by Elassa on Sept 1, 2005 13:02:57 GMT -5
What's the point, honestly? Why do I bother opening up to people? I'm just going to get stabbed. It never fails. This time it was harder than before. I don't know why I thought he'd understand. No one ever truly does....except Mary. She understands them. She understands why they're there. She understands why I need them. Why can't everyone else? It's not like I try to be a freak. I don't try to scare people. I really don't.
God, why can't I just be normal?! Why do I have to be so.....weird? I was labeled a freak when I was four! FOUR!! I went through so much crap and so many insecurities because I'm different. Even among friends, I had to hide parts of myself.
Then I went and let him see those parts of my mind that no one else has seen. I suppose he just takes a few minutes to get things, but still. I wish I was normal. I wish I didn't have to worry about people I love ignoring me or pushing me aside.
Ignore that if you want. I just needed to get it out somehow. I used to do this at another board I frequent, but I don't think they'd even consider leaving the thread open anymore. They'd delete and tell me to stop whining.
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Post by Hinata on Sept 1, 2005 13:11:10 GMT -5
uh. . .care to share what's making you so "abnormal"? Because we all have weird things. .. sure, some are weirder than others. . .but really, it's not as bad as you make it out to be in the long run
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Post by Hinata on Sept 1, 2005 13:11:35 GMT -5
Oh, and if it was Tali. . .I'll hurt him for you  |
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Post by Elassa on Sept 1, 2005 13:18:14 GMT -5
Oh, don't hurt him. He didn't mean to. It was my fault.
I have people in my head. Dead serious. I created them because I had no friends. They're the embodiments of my emotions and different parts of me. I can control them, but they still live the way they choose, according to what they are. No one except Mary, and now Justin, understand that.
My display name changed because Blades took control. She hates having control, but she has to take the helm a lot of the time. I swear I don't have MPD.
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Post by Shazammm on Sept 1, 2005 14:17:14 GMT -5
so, i'm assuming that he understands now?......that's good.....a relationship has to be based on the complete understanding and acceptence of each other.
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Post by Elassa on Sept 1, 2005 14:30:56 GMT -5
I think you kinda understand it. You were the one who made the flower-bouquet reference, after all.
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Post by Hinata on Sept 1, 2005 19:50:15 GMT -5
*thinks she missed something. . .*
Anyway . . . have you ever tried talking to someone (like a professional) about it. . .see if there isn't a way for you keep control than these other people? Sorry, I'm trying to understand. . .but I get the feeling that I only have like half the story here. . .it makes it harder
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Post by Shazammm on Sept 2, 2005 7:34:22 GMT -5
i've got a knack for understanding things that others don't. ......but the way you explained it to me before was perfect....it helped me see what you saw.....all i had to do was put myself in your head for a moment.....most people can't do that.....they just can't understand what goes on inside a person's mind. |
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Post by Elassa on Sept 2, 2005 9:16:28 GMT -5
I don't remember how I explained it to you. The best way I can think to explain it is by saying they're my emotions. If I hadn't separated everything, I'd have gone crazy. There are so many facets to my mind that if I leave it one big lump, I'd be in the funny farm. So here we are today, dealing with all these crazy people I created from my emotions. They shut up, so I don't hate them anymore. That means I can change my name back. If you'd like to know who is who, just ask. I'd be more than happy to tell you.
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Post by twyrch on Sept 2, 2005 11:22:26 GMT -5
so, i'm assuming that he understands now?......that's good.....a relationship has to be based on the complete understanding and acceptence of each other. I remember you telling me about it as well, back during my TB days. I hope these feelings subside for you soon... What brought Blades out in the first place? |
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Post by Hinata on Sept 2, 2005 11:39:27 GMT -5
So basically, you've personified your emotions?
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Post by Taliesin on Sept 5, 2005 14:22:36 GMT -5
hon' i didn't even know i'd hurt ya that much. sorry....
she is on to something with the whole emotions things though, i've had it easier controlling them now that each one has a name and personality and it's almost like theyall balance each other out cause now i know which emotion to turn to to take car eof the one getting out of control.
i like the flower bouquet theme...each emotion makes one Lizz...and she is them as much as they are individual. You can't change a flower, and make it what it's not, but in the end if each os brought together and makes a bouquet, it makes a beautiful thing, and each is beautiful in and of itself as well. I don't think you could seperate her from this, it would make her less than she is. it would nbe taking a flower out of the bouquet and making her less beautiful.
good analogy Shazz! That even helped me think about it better!
anyways, I love you Lizz, and I'm sorry I hurt ya this much, I didn't know. I wish you had told me.
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Post by Elassa on Sept 7, 2005 9:59:51 GMT -5
Ya know, I don't rightly remember what brought Blades out. She's pretty much always there. She hates having the control, but when Spunky runs off, she has to take control. If she doesn't, Artemis will. Or one of the others. Yeah, Hinata. That's exactly what I did. I personified my emotions.  Great guess. Or deduction. Something like that. That's okay, Justin. I know you didn't mean to and it was something I had to deal with. Nothing you said at that point would've made a difference. I wasn't listening to anyone at that point. Man, I'm so tired. |
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Post by Hinata on Sept 7, 2005 22:13:49 GMT -5
Wee! I win the prize! I guessed what was going on without being told the whole story |
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Post by twyrch on Sept 8, 2005 18:07:30 GMT -5
Wee! I win the prize! I guessed what was going on without being told the whole story *Pins a rose on Hinata's nose* First Prize!  |
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Twyrch /|\
Great guess. Or deduction. Something like that.