|
|
Post by Daae on Apr 16, 2005 19:03:40 GMT -5
Ingmar, however, was a valiant lad, despite his disappointing rugby record, and shortly recovered his spirits. Accordingly, he jogged along the road for about nine miles when he came upon a tall man. He was thoroughly unremarkable, this man, with three bright blue eyes and four well-developed arms. Ingmar thought him scarcely worth noticing, and would have passed him by, had not the man said.... "I am king of the jelly rolls!" Ingmar came skidding to a halt and turned to stare irricredulously at the man. "And now that I have your attention," the man continued. "I have a favor to ask of you, my good man. Would you be so kind as to fetch my..." |
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 17, 2005 7:37:49 GMT -5
"...pet rock? She's round and blue. I threw her into the forest by mistake."
Ingmar took the rock he had promised CuCu out of his pocket. "You mean this pet rock?"
The man snatched the rock, cradled it to his breast, and began to weep. "I'm so sorry my darling... please forgive me... I'll never do it again!"
Ingmar began to ease slowly away, but the man glanced up and shouted "Stop! I haven't rewarded you yet!"
|
|
|
|
Post by debinoxford on Apr 18, 2005 15:17:20 GMT -5
"Oh no, your majesty, i don't need any reward from you," Ingmar stammered as he backed away with as much dignity as his refusal would allow.
"NO REWARD?!?" roared the jelly roll king. "You must allow me to reward you, you must, you must." The sudden change in the king's voice made Ingmar stop suddenly. The change was of desperate insistence from some deep desire the king had.
"Well, if you insist that i be rewarded, then i must accept."
The king was appeased by this response and stood up very straight, elongating to his full height of 8 feet 5 and three-quarter inches. He was very pleased that Ingmar accepted his insistence to be rewarded. The king was in a bind, he had taken a powerful geas to always reward kindness, no matter how small. If he broke his geas, his bard, Tegid, would take the kingship away from him and give it to another more worthy of it. While this arrangement wasn't the most honorable one for a king, King Malcolm wanted to keep his crown.
"For your reward, kind man, I will answer any question you ask of me and i will help you in any way i can."
Ingmar brightened at this statement for he knew exactly what he would ask for. "Kind King, i am honored by your generosity in this regard. I hope you may be proven true in my question. My question, your majesty, is this: How do i reach the Gap of Rohan without taking nine years and ten months walking?"
The King pondered long and hard over this question, for this was a most difficult question to answer. however, he had much education in the groves of his land and knew that at some point he had heard the answer to this. With his right bottom arm stroking his flowing silver beard and another arm rubbing his pet rock, he stood contemplating for what seemed an eternity. Day passed into night and back into day before the king stirred himself with an "AHA! I have it. The way to the Gap of Rohan the quickest is...
now you continue.
|
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 19, 2005 14:26:05 GMT -5
"You must climb that cliff." He pointed to a bluish haze in the distance. "It is unclimbable."
"Easy enough," said Ingmar.
"Even if you do that, you can't do the next thing. You must catch the Wild Bluebird of Ekklsindorfia."
"Easy enough," said Ingmar.
"Even if you do that, you can't do the next thing. She can only be caught with a net made of a merman's hair. King Triton will never let you take it."
"Easy enough," said Ingmar.
"Even if you do that, you can't do the next thing. The Wild Bluebird of Ekklsindorfia can only be ridden with a saddle made of cloud extract."
"Easy enough," said Ingmar.
"Even if you do that, you can't do the next thing. Unless you pay the Wild Bluebird of Ekklsindorfia with your own mother's head, she will carry you to the sea and throw you off."
"Easy enough," said Ingmar. "I'll be off now."
King Jelly Roll waved farewell as Ingmar set off alone to hunt the Wild Bluebird of Ekklsindorfia.
|
|
|
|
Post by dgan on Apr 22, 2005 7:28:47 GMT -5
He had travelled but 20 paces when he heard a rhythmic beating somewhere in the forest ahead of him. As the sound grew louder, he realized a horse was approaching. Not wishing to be delayed further, he made haste to crouch behind a fallen tree so the rider might pass by without notice. At that moment, the horse crashed out from the dense wood into the dazzling sunlight, revealing a most beautiful sight.
"Sir, if I am to enjoy your company, I would prefer that you not crouch like an ordinary animal." The maiden, looking down from her mount, appeared to have known exactly where to find him.
"Forgive me for my poor manners, lady. Had I known that such a radiant creature would be searching me out, I most certainly would have made my presence conspicuous."
"I am amused" she laughed, "at your proficiency in bad manners. You presume that I or my father have any interest in you?"
"Truthfully, I have grown weary of conversing the day away when I should be about my quest. Were you not so lovely a woman, no doubt you would have seen worse still. However, because you seem intent on trying to cheer me, I will attempt to improve my disposition. Who might your father be, if I may be so bold?"
"Do you no longer know a man the second you turn your back from him?"
"King of jelly rolls?"
"That is not his real name, my filthy friend. However, the man you speak of did offer to help in any way he could, do you recall?"
Ingmar was entirely confounded. "What is your name, lady?"
She smiled and turned her mount back into the forest. "If you run, my friend" she called out, "you may find a warm bath on the tail of a horse!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 22, 2005 14:09:42 GMT -5
Utterly confused by her last statement, and not particularly desiring a bath on the tail of a horse, Ingmar turned back to the path he had been traveling. He rather hoped the maiden would come back, but she ignored him.
Ingmar sighed and mentally reckoned the miles until he arrived at the cliff stronghold of the Wild Bluebird of Ekklsindorfia. He thought it should take about two years to reach. "Whatever happened to the American dream and instant gratification?" he wondered sadly.
He was so absorbed that he failed to notice the old man with the rowan staff until the stick smacked between his eyes.
|
|
|
|
Post by pink3elephant on Apr 26, 2005 13:16:06 GMT -5
(I guess I can just jump in. . .. )
"Oww!"
Rubbing his head, Ingmar looked upon the mysterious old man. The man seemed frozen as his eyes peered to something off in a distance.
Ingmar turned around to follow his gaze, finding nothing worth looking at. He sighed and began to turn around, only to see the old man madly swinging the staff at his head. Ingmar was too late to react, and passed out.
Ingmar awoke only to find. . .
|
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 26, 2005 18:06:24 GMT -5
(THANK YOU for jumping in! This thread was getting rather neglected...)
He awoke to darkness, except for the glow of the coals. He could smell hashish bubbling in a pot. He began coughing madly as the man looked at him with a predatory, though glazed, glare.
"Ah! The sacrifice has awoken!" He shouted gleefully. Ingmar could not help reflecting on the injustice of this world, where a man who looked so like Gandalf should be intent on murdering him.
|
|
|
|
Post by dgan on Apr 28, 2005 2:18:50 GMT -5
Ingmar was not frightened, but thoroughly annoyed by his inability to rise. Whether the effect of inhaling the intense aroma or the work of magical restraint, he could not tell.
"I am honored to be worthy of your insanity," spat Ingmar.
The old man did not look at him but stroked his long white beard as if contemplating Ingmar's outburst. Then he removed a ninja figurine from beneath his cloak and threw it in the air, laughing like a small child.
Ingmar eyed the figurine, remembering he already had two of the same in his collection at home. Then, bringing his attention back to the present, he saw his captor stroking his beard again. Thinking he had unnerved the old man, Ingmar hoped to get further reaction by yelling, ".....
|
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 28, 2005 10:18:39 GMT -5
"OOGA OOGA BLOOGA!" he screamed. "Big man in sky, he say no kill mans! Bad!"
The old man continued to stroke his beard. Then he suddenly loosed a torrent of speech, which taxed Ingmar's rudimentary Caveman past its limits. He settled back and let the torrent wash over him.
|
|
|
|
Post by CynanMachae on Apr 29, 2005 20:53:34 GMT -5
Three days later, Ingmar awoke to find the man smoking a pipe.
"Ah, the sacrifice awakens!" he creaked.
"I have to go!" Ingmar yelled.
"NO!" The old man screeched back.
"YES!" Ingmar tried to jump up, but found that his hands were bound to the tree he was resting against.
The old man cried and sprang forward, pulling out a knife. Suddenly an arrow sped out of nowhere and pinned the man to an oak.
It was the girl. She took the old mans knife and sliced the bonds from Ingmar's hands.
"Who are you?? He asked.
Without a word, the girl was gone, melting into the forest.
Ingmar rubbed his head and, after looting all he found interesting on the man's corpse, headed for the bird's nest.
|
|
|
|
Post by dgan on Apr 30, 2005 5:53:39 GMT -5
Vowing not to stop for man or beast again until he had cleared the forest, Ingmar walked without sleeping until the end of the season. He finally emerged from the forest into a deep valley. The steep rocky slopes on each side were dressed in a thin layer of frost, barely visible through the menacing shadow that hovered just above the valley floor.
Ingmar was tired from his sleepless trek, but was loath to rest within sight of the peculiar forest. Therefore, he forced his weary legs down the valley only to find that the shadow became so dark, he could no longer see the sandals on his feet even though he was confident the sun should be very near its peak.
Understanding the futility of wandering aimlessly in unknown territory, he declined to fight his weariness a moment longer. Stumbling into the first resemblence of a sheltering crevice, he huddled beneath his cloak on the most comfortable rock he could find.
|
|
|
|
Post by Child of Immanuel on Apr 30, 2005 16:26:05 GMT -5
Unfortunately, the crevice happened to the the home of a hibernating bear. He knew nothing of this, however, until the next morning. The entrance was fairly narrow, and the bear had rolled over to block it. Any cautious attempts to climb over her were greeted with growls and teeth. Ingmar stayed in the back, debating the wisdom of a swift knife cut to the bear's eye.
|
|
|
|
Post by pink3elephant on May 1, 2005 0:24:47 GMT -5
After debating, Ingmar couldn't find the guts to attempt to slay the bear. He then rememberd a time when someone told him that bears fall into a deep trance when you sing folk music to them. Since at the moment that was his only option, Ingmar attempted to sing a song he remembered vaguely.
Ingmar soon discovered that this story was farce, because the bear became enraged instead of entranced. Perhaps this is because Ingmar couldn't hit a note. Nevertheless, Ingmar had to think quickly in order to assure his exitance for 30 more seconds. . .
|
|
|
|
Post by dgan on May 1, 2005 1:18:21 GMT -5
***This never ending story contains language that may be inappropriate for younger readers. Parental discretion is advised.*** Seeing Ingmar's distressed situation as he was passing by, 50 Cent furrowed his brow and said, "Dude, that beeyatch has one  up life!" |
|
up life!"