Post by corthithiac on Feb 17, 2005 17:52:48 GMT -5
The Fool and His Instructor
(A parody of The Thief and His Master)
By: Landis Zehrung
Jan wanted his son to get a job. So he asked his wife for some advice.
“Merrymaking,” she said, “And wine is to be his job”
So Jan, not knowing how drunk his wife really was at the time, set out to find someone who could teach his solemn son how to have a bit of fun. Even though his son protested to his utmost ability, Jan persisted.
One day Jan’s son’s silly mutterings and protesting got to Jan. He said, “When you grow older and have a job, and when I die, you will own all this.”
Now Jan’s son saw his father’s hand pass before the window and replied “What the curtains?”
“No you little twit! You will have all this land,” which consequently was a small barren patch of dead leaves and withered grass,”Isn’t it beautiful?”
“But I don’t want land, and I don’t want to learn to be a fool. I want something special and well thought of in life. Like a lawyer.” The reluctant son said. This however, gave the father further reason to continue on and find an instructor.
Now it was soon after this that his searching father found an old retired fool who agreed to teach Jan’s son the lost art of being an annoying fool. On the appointed day and on the appointed time, well three-fourths of a minute after as the fool forcefully pointed out, the boy’s instructor came. He was to take him away for a year and then return the boy to his home. However, there would be a contest and if the boy lost then he would be the jester’s new live mantle piece (his former one was the late Johnny Cook who decided one day to end his mantle piece career by tipping over “on accident” and falling to his death “on accident”).
For a year the son learned the arts of drinking; eating; joking; hair smelling; tiny green, carrot riding, potato men, the digesting of fruit bats, and any other random, silly, and/or foolish manifestation you can possibly come up with. They spent a year of this vigorous training on the Big Rock Candy Mountain, a meeting place of court jesters and entertaining people of the like.
“After the year of silliness was completed, the very silly person and his apprentice set off back for home. They traveled and traveled until finally they reached the half way point. This brought more traveling which took double the time and finally… They reached the three-fourths and a quarter way mark. After another hefty bit of moving right along they reached the house that was not Jan’s son’s house. At long last (and a very large paragraph) they reached the house they were traversing to.”
-Taken from a passage in the book
“The Chronicles of a Boy Named Jan’s Son
For There Is No Other Name Bestowed
Upon Him in the Tale”
Jan was overjoyed that his son finally had a job. Okay maybe a hobby…kinda, sorta, not really.
So the contest started as was said. The master nuisance proceeded to a cart passing by the house. He began to pester the poor driver and his horses until the driver gave in and gave the fool, that was not so foolish as some think, all his money and a nice chastising. Then the boy showed his skills on his mother who at his first degrading, yet somehow interestingly funny, comment gave him all the cookies that she had just baked. And so it went on until there was a faint echo in the air.
“A siren!” cried the fool. He had recently been convicted of theft by pestering.
“Hey you two blokes over there! That’ll be the last time you two steal by pestering poor passers by.”
A large burly police officer from Scotland Yard pushed over the camera that was to be the only surviving record of this event. Therefore cracking the lens and ending the documentary.
This concludes the silly and slightly twisted tale of The Fool and His Instructor.
The End!
This is the culmination.
If you read past this point you aren’t really reading it.
And if you are….
Read line one again and repeat process.
The Anthem of The Fools (to the tune of Dixie, if it can be)
Oh you wish you were a bit more certain
You can’t do anything behind the curtain
Be proud, you’re a fool
In the way of a fool
Oh you thought you knew about the little green men riding on carrot horses
But a garden hose beats seeing things, Oh! a garden hose beats seeing things
Oh its good to see potato people
On carrots! On carrots!
Ketchup, Mustard, and cute buns
That’s why we hate the pickles!
And that why we are the town fools!
Stupid?
Good.
(A parody of The Thief and His Master)
By: Landis Zehrung
Jan wanted his son to get a job. So he asked his wife for some advice.
“Merrymaking,” she said, “And wine is to be his job”
So Jan, not knowing how drunk his wife really was at the time, set out to find someone who could teach his solemn son how to have a bit of fun. Even though his son protested to his utmost ability, Jan persisted.
One day Jan’s son’s silly mutterings and protesting got to Jan. He said, “When you grow older and have a job, and when I die, you will own all this.”
Now Jan’s son saw his father’s hand pass before the window and replied “What the curtains?”
“No you little twit! You will have all this land,” which consequently was a small barren patch of dead leaves and withered grass,”Isn’t it beautiful?”
“But I don’t want land, and I don’t want to learn to be a fool. I want something special and well thought of in life. Like a lawyer.” The reluctant son said. This however, gave the father further reason to continue on and find an instructor.
Now it was soon after this that his searching father found an old retired fool who agreed to teach Jan’s son the lost art of being an annoying fool. On the appointed day and on the appointed time, well three-fourths of a minute after as the fool forcefully pointed out, the boy’s instructor came. He was to take him away for a year and then return the boy to his home. However, there would be a contest and if the boy lost then he would be the jester’s new live mantle piece (his former one was the late Johnny Cook who decided one day to end his mantle piece career by tipping over “on accident” and falling to his death “on accident”).
For a year the son learned the arts of drinking; eating; joking; hair smelling; tiny green, carrot riding, potato men, the digesting of fruit bats, and any other random, silly, and/or foolish manifestation you can possibly come up with. They spent a year of this vigorous training on the Big Rock Candy Mountain, a meeting place of court jesters and entertaining people of the like.
“After the year of silliness was completed, the very silly person and his apprentice set off back for home. They traveled and traveled until finally they reached the half way point. This brought more traveling which took double the time and finally… They reached the three-fourths and a quarter way mark. After another hefty bit of moving right along they reached the house that was not Jan’s son’s house. At long last (and a very large paragraph) they reached the house they were traversing to.”
-Taken from a passage in the book
“The Chronicles of a Boy Named Jan’s Son
For There Is No Other Name Bestowed
Upon Him in the Tale”
Jan was overjoyed that his son finally had a job. Okay maybe a hobby…kinda, sorta, not really.
So the contest started as was said. The master nuisance proceeded to a cart passing by the house. He began to pester the poor driver and his horses until the driver gave in and gave the fool, that was not so foolish as some think, all his money and a nice chastising. Then the boy showed his skills on his mother who at his first degrading, yet somehow interestingly funny, comment gave him all the cookies that she had just baked. And so it went on until there was a faint echo in the air.
“A siren!” cried the fool. He had recently been convicted of theft by pestering.
“Hey you two blokes over there! That’ll be the last time you two steal by pestering poor passers by.”
A large burly police officer from Scotland Yard pushed over the camera that was to be the only surviving record of this event. Therefore cracking the lens and ending the documentary.
This concludes the silly and slightly twisted tale of The Fool and His Instructor.
The End!
This is the culmination.
If you read past this point you aren’t really reading it.
And if you are….
Read line one again and repeat process.
The Anthem of The Fools (to the tune of Dixie, if it can be)
Oh you wish you were a bit more certain
You can’t do anything behind the curtain
Be proud, you’re a fool
In the way of a fool
Oh you thought you knew about the little green men riding on carrot horses
But a garden hose beats seeing things, Oh! a garden hose beats seeing things
Oh its good to see potato people
On carrots! On carrots!
Ketchup, Mustard, and cute buns
That’s why we hate the pickles!
And that why we are the town fools!
Stupid?
Good.
Twyrch /|\
, interesting story.